bridges

There's an envelope on my kitchen table with your name written in black sharpie, in big bubbly caps, crooked and underlined once.  It grabs my attention every time I walk by.  I hate it.  Some days I pretend I'll never see you again and eventually the envelope and its contents will get shoved aside and then end up in my basket of sort and shred.

How did I end up here again?  I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen.  I did everything different this time.  Well, almost everything....

I haven't driven over my favorite nighttime bridge for half a year.  It was love at first sight.  A cable-stayed bridge that spans the Chesapeake & Delaware Canal.  It glows gold at night.  Though I'm usually one for silver, it's stunning and too peaceful to ignore.  The stretch of highway that takes me there is a great drive as well, not heavily traveled, dark, boring, just curvy enough and just long enough.

I needed a drive.  I wanted to see my bridge.

All the sound in my head shut up as I crossed the Delaware state line and I realized I never turned on any music.  I left the stereo off a bit longer.  Music's been making me queasy lately, a sad state of affairs for a full time musician.  I simply can't find peace in even my favorite albums and artists right now.  It's great to be working but I need a hobby and I'm not sure driving over bridges in the middle of the night is considered a hobby.

My EZpass got a workout tonight crossing the bridge 4 times.  I thought of stopping and taking a picture but it's not the same, nor do I want to share my bridge with you.  You wouldn't really care anyway would you?  Didn't think so. 

I wish I were back on that beach in Florida, alone and watching the sun sink into the Gulf.  Better yet, I wish I were in Ikaria on the rocky beach in Faros watching the fishing boats and soaking in the beautiful all day long.  My reserves of beautiful seem to be depleted.  Maybe that's why all the grump lately.  Looking around me I see all the places I left bits of happy... willy-nilly sharing it with people who only wanted to enjoy it temporarily and superficially.  I'm ok with that.  What good is beautiful-happy if you can't share it?
 
A quick Waffle House stop cements the smile my bridge put on my face.  Hot coffee in an old stained and cracked mug, scrambled eggs, scattered, smothered and covered hash browns, and sausage.  I feel full and warm again. 

Home and in bed before the sun even thought of rising.....  I dropped my purse on top of your envelope with barely a second a thought and am cozied up in bed.  Much better for now.