Monday, March 21, 2011

When I grow up I wanna be a rockstar!

It was barely warm enough for me to sleep that night so I curled up as close as possible to him hoping not to wake him or crowd him too much or get elbowed in the head like last time. This makes me feel a little like Lamia in Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere... stealing heat from a warm blooded man. I like being here. I like this particular company. This is not my warmth to have for more than a few hours but I'll enjoy it while I can. I put the blanket over my head and it was good enough to put me out.

Once he left the bed was way too cold to sleep. I cranked the heat as high as I could and snuggled under the covers until the room felt like a summer day in Faros. Hot and dry, the rocky beach with the clearest water and no waves... on a clear day you can see Turkey from here. Fourni, visible on even the haziest of days, is directly ahead and has the BIGGEST, most delicious lobsters (my grandfather would tell me this while using his hands to roughly measure 2 1/2 feet and my grandmother would shake her head and walk away). :) I fell into a deep sleep for the next hour and a half.
 

I slept better last night, not because I was home but because I had the heat of the electric blanket over me.

And what a great weekend!
 
 
*boop

whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpsssssssssssshwhirrrrrrrrrchunkwhirr
*blink.blink.blink.blink.blink.blink.blink.blink...........

 
*boop

kksssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhh chunk chunk whirr whiiiiiiiiiiirrr
drip.drip.dripdrippooooooooour.dripdrip.drip. drip whiiiiiirrrrrrrr psssssss hrrrrrrhrrrrhrrrr whoop
 
Those are the sounds of my fully automatic espresso machine when I press the "on" button and then "play." These sounds bring me pleasure everyday, sometimes (ok, always) multiple times. Yes, I am a coffee addict.

Its a dreary Monday.... grey. cold and rainy. Welcome spring : p I feel like a different person than last week... I feel like myself again.... icicle toes and nose and frosty fingers.... its cold as balls in here. Always, always so cold.


Looking back, I wonder if becoming a musician was really my choice. Occasionally I've felt like I was pushed into it because I was good, really good. "Conservatory" good. Haha boy am I glad I at least put my foot down there. Could you imagine me in a conservatory? I'da flunked my ass out in the first semester I think. I never wanted to be a classical pianist. To be perfectly honest, I can't sit and listen to classical music, it either puts me to sleep or irritates me. I really don't care for it, unless I'm playing it. Its been years since I've had the patience to sit and learn an entire piece but I'm feeling the desire right now.

Usually I feel like I'm just not good enough. Some days I know I'm not good enough. Most definitely my chops aren't what they used to be. I can say though that my general improv has improved and my ears are still pretty kickin'. I love to play. Days and nights and all the times. :) I feel at home behind the keyboard and can safely hide there any time and recharge or slow down or fall in love or out of it.

I never wanted to be a teacher. Never really had the desire to be a player either. But I was good and had ignored my academics enough to not have enough math or science credits to go into anything else. What would my other choice have been? A deep love of biology and chemistry and genetics and I easily got the grades in those classes. Had my father been a bigger presence and influence in my life, and my mother not so defiant and pigheaded (stubbornness and pigheadedness and defiance runs deep through both my parents), I may have gone to a University and gotten a "well- rounded" education and chosen a different path....... and kicked myself for it for the rest of my life.

I didn't choose to be a musician. I didn't choose to not go to a university. I didn't choose to be a strange girl with the penchant for being alone, having silly-crazy adventures, and being misunderstood most of the time. Ha! I had no choice. I was born this way.

This is not a revelation. I'm just thinking through the things in my head. It seems I have finally found a musician that I feel at home with. It just seems to work.... and seems to get better every time. I'm having so much fun and am motivated and always inspired. I'm very happy and excited and looking forward to continuing and improving our current path.


\m/

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