Once

I'm still a little jumpy when I hear an odd little noise on the other side of the room or think I see a shadow on the wall somewhere.  I always expect to see a giant roach running by or a mouse scurrying along the edge of the room.  It's still strange to lie in bed and not hear the scratching and running of mice behind the wood paneling that's no longer next to my head.  Change was in the air.  I had been saying it for nearly a year but I still wasn't prepared for what happened.  I wished for it on a hundred stars and still wasn't ready when it happened. 

I had a best friend once.  The greatest best friend ever for 20 years or so.  From piggyback rides through the halls of high school and late night mischief all over town to college and back.  By the time we were adults and back in our hometown we'd meet weekly for late night coffee sometimes talking until the sun was coming up. 

I'm not sure how long it's been.  He's married now.  So am I.  He always did get sucked into relationships, not calling or hanging out for months at a time.  Months have turned into years.  3, maybe 4 by now.  I'm pretty sure he's lost forever, with the others.

Change and I don't get along very well.  We never really have.  I prefer Time to Change.  It's easier for me to work with.  Plus, I can lie about Time.  I certainly cannot ignore Change.  Though I can close my eyes and ears and pretend for a few short minutes that everything is still the same.  That does as much good as lying about Time.

There's a kid here.  A fiery compact package of everything a singer-songwriter should be.  Every time I see him I'm taken back to Rhawnhurst on a January day 2008ish.  We played hooky and sat in the old man bar on Verree Road all afternoon.  Joe sat between us covering his toothless mouth while he told all his best stories.  "There's not enough time.  All you can do is love."  We walked out of the bar around 4 pm to the city streets carpeted with a lightly falling cinnamon snow. 

I wonder if tomorrow's snow will smell of cinnamon.

Tonight I spent some time with an old mutual friend.  It's been a while since I've heard some of her stories and they warmed my insides.  It's exactly what I needed to recenter my Self.  Hopefully it's exactly what I needed to climb into bed and sleep soundly.